Broken But Living
by SweetButPervy
Summary: This is a B/J story. They meet when Bella gets her new tattoo done. Bella was abused and has HUGE trust issues. Jasper has his fair share of probs as well. Story spazzed so i had to start over. PLZ review. They make me giddy : OH Lemons YUM
1. Chapter 1

Alright so just to warn everybody…this fic really is gonna be for mature people only. I'll make a list and try not to forget anything but try not to get mad if I do…

Abuse (not in details)

Rape (also not in detains)

Some drug and underage drinking references

Cutting (Not a lot... more in flashbacks and memories)

Cussing

Lemons

Tattoos and piercings

Oh and a lot of OOC

Now personally I like this in a good story… But if you don't I suggest you exit this story now


	2. Chapter 2

*Flashback*

_I was running home even though I knew it was worthless, James was home and there was no way to get away from him. I was supposed to be home making his dinner. Instead? My stupid teacher decided it would be just wonderful to give me detention. I swear she has it out for me._

_As I ran to the door I could hear him yelling at Victoria, my sorry excuse of a mother. I opened the door ready to face my fate, when he opened it for me._

"_Well well Vic look what the cat dragged in!" He slurred, already drunk though it was only 6._

"_I'm sorry…I… I had detention." I knew he hated me getting in trouble in school, and that fact would only make tonight worse._

"_You dumb skank! Cant even go to school without screwing up can you?" I swear if his breath smelt anymore like scotch, his favorite, I'd get drunk just having to smell it. _

"_You don't even know the story! How do you know for a fact it was my fault?" Looking at his stunned face I knew I made a huge mistake. Damn sometimes I really hate myself… There's no way in hell that was worth it. Although I love that I can still stand up to him, I really hate the beatings that come after it… sometimes I wish I just knew when to shut up._

"_You know how I know it was your fault? Cause you cant do anything right, therefore your dumbass Is always causing problems." I hadn't realized but as he was talking he had slowly started to unbutton his pants. _

"_God James please! I cant do this again!" I yelled trying to turn and run back to the door. Of course I just ending up falling and hitting my head. Oh perfect dizzy and trying to get a 230 man off me. Seems like an easy feat._

"_Oh slut stop acting like you don't want it. You know what? Lets make it even better for you huh? Vic! Call the boys; I think Bella needs some group loving." As soon as I saw what he was getting at I started screaming. He had the boys over once before, 4 other equally large and even more rough men. My body couldn't handle another "group session" as he loves to call them. _

"_Shut the fuck up before I get you first!" He screamed as he backhanded me while hovering over me on the floor. "Know what? That actually sounds quite good! Spread 'em slut or ill get the knife."_

_*End of flashback*_

I woke up screaming and flinging around the bed like James was truly there with me. I looked up to see Rose sitting next to me with a glass of water.

"Hey sweety. I've been trying to wake you up, but that seemed like a pretty intense one. Wanna talk about it?"

"Thanks," I said taking the water, "and I'm good. Its just the same old stuff you know. Its been such a long time, I really thought I was passed it this time." I had been away from James and Victoria for almost five years. I still cant get over some of the stuff that happened in that house though. I was now a 22 year old college graduate with my own apartment and amazing best friends. I got rescued from that horrid place when I was 17, by a gorgeous bronze haired boy I now call a brother. Alice, Emmett, Rosalie, and Edward all came to my high school junior year. We hit It off immediately, wonderful except having a home life like mine is not an easy thing to hide with four wonderfully perceptive best friends. Edward became my saving grace when he absolutely refused to let me go home to James. Aggravating as that should have been it was what I needed to finally leave them. I moved in with them and their wonderful parents Carlisle and Esme, now like parents to me, until I could support myself.

"Alrighty well are you still wanting to get that new tattoo today?" Rose asked me. I had been planning this one for ages. It was small and simple and that's just why I loved it so much. It was also incredibly convenient that her fiancé Emmett and Alice's husband, and of course my best friend Edward owned a tattoo shop.

"Of course. I'm ready to leave as soon as you are. Can you hurry though? I cant wait to get this one!" I knew it was silly to get this excited, especially since this was my 7th one, but still this was one of the most important.

*At the shop*

"Edward!" I screamed as I ran and jumped on him wrapping my legs around his waist. Now to most people he would look like a boyfriend, but in reality he's just a boy that will always have a very special place in my heart.

"Well hey sweet cheeks. You do know its only been like a week since we saw each other right?" He asks playfully. I can tell by his face though that he missed me too. "So what do you want done today?"

"Alright so I decided today I want the hip design we've been talking about done. I'm ready for it!" The hip design is going to look basically like a small version of my back (it's a full back tattoo of tattered and torn angel wings that look like they're mid-flight). So its going to have that but at the bottom on the sides are going to be p.c. for past cutter. The only reason I didn't get it long ago is I wasn't positive I wanted a lifetime reminder of my cutting, but it was a big part of what made me who I am so I'm getting it.

"Well that's perfect; it's a somewhat simple piece. I hope you don't mind but we have a new guy, his name's Jasper, and we've been wanting to give him a chance but haven't had a good piece? You alright with that? He's supposed to be wonderful!" Normally I wouldn't let anyone besides Emmett or Edward tattoo me but since Edward said he's good I'll trust him.

"Ya that's fine. But if it doesn't look right I get a free touch up!" I said jokingly, because all my tattoos are free anyways.

"Ya ya your lucky your pretty, otherwise people wouldn't put up with you as much! Anyhoo, JASPER!" He yelled for the new addition to the team. As soon as his name was said, a freaking gorgeous tall blonde with tattoos and spider bites walked out of the private tattoo room. All I could think was "God… I would tap the _shiiit_ out of you!"

"Hey ya'll. You must be Bella correct?" He asked me while sticking out his hand. Even this boy's voice was tappable! So trying to hide the fact that I could rape him any second and not feel guilty I grabbed his hand.

"Yupp that's me. Jasper right? I believe you'll be doing my piece today." I replied with a smile. His hand gave me tingles, and out of surprise I dropped it. He looked slightly offended so I gave another awkward smile.

"Yeah I think so. Hip piece with the wings right?" He looked like he was trying to make conversation, and normally that would annoy me but it was somehow adorable with him.

"That's it. You ready to get this started?" He replied with a nod and we made our way to the private tattoo room. I was slightly nervous to have my pants rolled down in front of someone so cute. Now I'm no virgin, but still there's usually at least a dinner involved!

"Ha Ha pants off and not even a date!" He said jokingly. I just looked at him and he seemed embarrassed to have even said it. After a minute I laughed showing it hadn't upset me. He seemed relieved after that. I sat on the chair as he got the tattoo stuff ready.

"So you want to explain this one a little? What's the p.c. stand for?" I knew he was probably already aware what it stood for, but I still didn't feel I knew him well enough to give away that information.

"I don't really see how that's any of your business. Isn't your job to put it there not know the whole story behind it?" I know it came off as bitchy, but my tattoos are my life stories. And that's one I don't share with many people. Especially someone I just met.

"Sorry. I didn't think it was one of those personal ones. I have a few myself so I know where your coming from. Anyways how about this one? Is this one alright to ask about?" As he was talking he pointed out the bottom of my "The Girls" tattoo. I knew he was trying to tread lightly therefore I threw him a bone and explained it a little.

"Well this is just one Rose, Alice, and I decided to get. Since we met everyone referred to us as "the girls" so we thought it was fitting." It wasn't a very personal one, although it meant a lot to me, so I didn't mind telling him.

What about yours?" As I asked I touched his arm, pointing to a beautiful flower, figuring it would be a good one to start at. But as soon as I touched him he gave a loud hiss and looked at me with a surprisingly scary look. I jumped away from him and screamed.

"EDWARD!" He was my saving grace, and all I could do was hope he got here before Jasper did something to me.

**A/n So i dont know if im gonna keep going. Does it sound like a good story to anyone?**

**~ Lauren ~**


	3. Chapter 3

**Alright I'm sorry for taking so long! I really am going to try to stick to an every other day update schedule but my boyfriends been a bit distracting lately… can u say hell yeah? He's even got a southern accent… Yeah that's my very own Jasper ;)**

As soon as I screamed Jasper jumped across the room away from me looking ashamed. It didn't help though; I wouldn't feel safe until I saw Edward.

"Bella?" Edward rushed through the door scanning the room for me. When I saw him I launched myself at him, silently thanking him for always being there for me.

"What the hell did you do to her Jasper? She hasn't freaked out like this in ages!" I could tell he was worried for me, but I could also tell he didn't think Jasper would truly hurt me.

"N…Nothing, I just scared her a bit. I'm sorry Bella that's just very personal to me…" He trailed off, obviously upset that he had scared me. I noticed he was rubbing his forearm, where the beautiful flower was. It seemed to be comforting him somehow. I could tell that he was apologetic for upsetting me, and I knew I had overreacted because of my past so I decided to try to put it past us.

"It's fine I just freaked. Sorry for scaring you Edward, but I think we're good now." I looked at him to let him know I was alright. He asked me if I was sure and when I nodded walked out of the room.

"Sorry again Bella, its just that this flower is one of my most precious belongings (**And yes I referred to a tattoo as a belonging :P) **and it just surprised me when you touched it." As much as I wanted to know about it I knew it would be prying so I let the subject drop. But I also noticed a very southern and very sexy accent I had missed earlier. I didn't think it was possible but he just got even hotter!

"Like I said its fine. Anyhoo your from the south huh? That's not an accent you usually hear in Washington." I asked with a smile. I walked over to the tattoo chair and rolled down my jeans. He pulled up a stool and chuckled.

"That obvious huh? Well I moved here from Texas about 2 years ago." He paused to hold up a stencil "You ready?" I nodded and he put the stencil on, allowing me to get up to check it out in the mirror once he was finished.

"Oh I can already tell I'm going to love it! That's going to look perfect!" I couldn't contain my excitement, I was just too happy to finally have it get done. I sat back down, but couldn't lose my smile.

"Yeah this is definitely going to be a good one. Anyways what about you? You don't seem like the kind of person to come from such a small city." He was good at keeping conversation, a skill I had never managed to master, and I liked that. While he was waiting for me to reply he put the tattoo gun on my hip and the combination of pleasure from having his hands on me and the pain from the gun made me moan out loud. I looked up embarrassed when he stopped the gun, staring at me. I couldn't quite figure out his face, but I'm pretty sure he was turned on. I cleared my throat so that I could answer him.

"Uh no I'm not from around here. I actually lived in Arizona up until four years ago. So why did you move to such a different place?" I knew I was getting nosy, but to be truthful I just wanted to hear his sexy voice again, I didn't care what he was talking about.

"Hm I guess you could say it was a fresh start, just packed up and moved you know? Nothing holding me back. And you?" I could tell he wasn't giving the whole story, but considering I'm a pro at only half answering questions I guess I could judge.

"Well the same basically. The gang **(The family, including Esme and Carlisle) **and I just picked a place and moved. There wasn't much left for any of us in Arizona." That was true. I felt no need to stay near Victoria or James. As far as I was concerned my family was moving with me.

"Alright well you're all done! Go ahead and take a look." When his hands left my hip I wanted to force them back onto me, but I also couldn't wait to see the new addition so I got up and looked in the mirror. I couldn't believe it! It was finally there, and it would be for the rest of my life. One solitary tear slid down my chick, more out of happiness than anything else. I turned to Jasper and gave him a big hug. I couldn't help it!

"Oh Jasper! Its just perfect thank you so much!" He looked slightly surprised, but I felt his arms wrap around me so I knew he didn't object. Standing so close to him though, I could feel something against my thigh. When I realized what it was I pulled away awkwardly, letting him explain how to clean it as he wrapped it. I wasn't paying attention though, all I could think was _damn that felt big! What isn't perfect with this man?_ When he announced that we were all done I went to show Alice, but when I walked out the door she was giving me the strangest look.

"Bella we need to talk. Edwards office NOW." I couldn't tell if she was pissed or just really needed to tell me something but either way it didn't sound good. When we got to the office she starting to quietly whisper.

"Bella have you lost you mind? Jasper Whitlock! You CANT get with him." Now I was just confused, I mean Alice always knew things before other people did, but I wasn't going to hook up with Jasper was I?

"Alice calm down. All he did was tattoo me. That's it." I was trying to calm her, mostly so she could explain to me what the hell was up with her.

"Have you not heard about him Bella? There's no way I can let you get involved with someone that…"


	4. Chapter 4

_**I am sooo sorry for taking so long, i didn't think anybody was even reading the story until i checked my email and realized ya'll were just making author/story alerts instead of commenting, which is mean btw :/ But i will be updating once a week now, probably Fridays or Saturdays.**_

"I can't let you get with someone that…" Alice was interrupted by Edward storming in loudly.

"Alice Brandon don't you dare. It is not your place to blab other people's business like that, if he feels the need to tell Bella the things in his past he will, if not that is his decision."

Although I was beyond curious about what Alice was going to say, Edward was completely right. It definitely wasn't Alice's place to tell me, a habit that got on everyone's nerves. Jasper seemed so sweet though, I just couldn't imagine him doing anything bad.

"Your right Edward, I'm sorry. Just… watch yourself Bell." She looked truly apologetic when she was talking to Edward, but when she was talking to me, she just looked worried. I got a good vibe from Jasper, but I've learned that Alice has an unbelievably accurate ability to predict things no one else would even think to expect, so I think it might just be best to trust her.

"Alright Alice you win. I'll try to stay away from him." I said in a somewhat bitchy voice. I knew she was just looking out for me, but ever since I let Edward talk me into leaving Victoria and James the whole group seems to think I'm this naive little girl that doesn't know how to make her own decisions.

"Oh Bella you know I wasn't trying to boss you around." Of course she's lying though, that was exactly what she was doing.

"Yeah, whatever Alice. See you later Edward." I say as I walk out the door and straight into Jasper. I look at his face and all I can see is this horribly sad boy. I'm not even completely sure if he knows I'm there.

"Jasper? Jasper Sweetie? Are you alright?" I whisper in a nearly silent voice, worried anything louder will scare him. There's just something so damaged about him…

"Oh Bella, I'm sorry were you saying something? I guess I must have dozed off for a second." I can't believe he's even trying to play that off as "dozing off". Do I really look that dense? I know that look; I've made it time and time again. That's my bad flashback face, and it's usually accompanied by a break down. This incredibly beautiful man has had something horrible happen to him, and now I'm determined to find out what ugly secrets hiding inside such a gorgeous creature.

"Oh no, I just accidently ran into you, thanks again for the tattoo, it looks amazing." As I was talking we made our way to the front of the shop where everyone was waiting. Suddenly remembering we were all going out tonight I turned to Jasper.

"Hey, everyone's going out clubbing tonight around 11, wanna come? I'd really love it if you did."

"Uhh…I don't know Bella, wouldn't that be kind of invasive for the others?" He looked so shy and unsure of himself, it was adorable.

"Not at all, we run this tattoo shop like a family, and when Edward hired you he made you part of the family. Tonight's just your introduction." It was true, he's part of our group now, but I also just really wanted him there tonight. I can't wait to see what he's really like.

"Well if you're sure I wouldn't be ruining anyone's night then yes I would like to go." He was still slightly nervous, but now he looked excited too, and that's all that really matters.

"Perfect! Meet you at S.E.X. at 11?"

"Sounds good to me." Once we decided on a time we finished our walk to the front and I walked straight to Rose.

"Ready to go sweet cheeks?" I asked her since she was my only ride.

"Yup let's leave this bitch." She replied jokingly. As we walked towards the door I looked back at Jasper and saw him staring at me before he quickly dropped his eyes. Well, I'd see him in a few hours. And I'd look fine as hell when I did!


End file.
